Thursday, August 12, 2010


So, yeah. Apparently a friend of mine got his email account hacked and now a Nigerian email scammer has decided that I'm the best bet to get a quick payday. But you know what? MWAHAHAHAH! Joke's on him! C'mon, that's worth at least a little mwahahaha.

History first:

I got the email from a from a friend's account that said he's in desperate trouble. My friend Bob is apparently stuck in Wales after having been robbed of his credit card, cell phone, wallet, etc. (Do they even have crime in Wales? I know they have sheep and Ryan Giggs, but I thought that was about it.) Anyway, I've reposted the emails verbatim:

@ 6:49am -'Bob':
Subj: HELP HELP!!!!
I'm writing this with tears in my eyes, I came down here to Wales,United Kingdom for a short vacation unfortunately i was mugged at the park of the hotel where i stayed,all cash,credit card and cell were stolen off me but luckily for me i still have my passports with me.
I've been to the embassy and the Police here but they're not helping issues at all and my flight leaves in less than 3hrs from now but am having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let me leave until i settle the bills,
I'm freaked out at the moment.
Robert Laymon
Lord of Lochaber

[Immediate problems I see:
Beyond poor English. Bob is a well spoken person who, I doubt, could even fake what's written here.

"down here to Wales,United Kingdom" Is the guy from Norway or does he simply live at a higher altitude than Wales? Also, what person living in Europe or the U.S. would make reference to "Wales,United Kingdom"? I'm assuming we all know that Wales is part of the UK and therefore that 'Bob' wouldn't need to specify the UK. Unless of course there's another country named Wales of which I'm not aware.

The hotel won't let Bob go. As far as I know, most hotels make you use a credit card up front so you can't just skip out. Maybe this is a hotel from the movie, "Hostel". If it is, then Bob's in some serious trouble.

His wallet, credit card, phone, etc. were stolen the day before he leaves (wow, hard luck). Fortunately though, he has email, what a lucky break.

He must have taken a VERY short vacation because I saw him at church on Sunday. That's a tough itinerary. Leave on Sunday night (since I saw him on Sunday afternoon), fly 15 hours to Wales, live it up among the sheep, and go to the airport to fly home on Tuesday afternoon (I'm adjusting for the time difference here). Brutal, barely a vacation. If it were me, I'd almost be grateful to be mugged just so I can cure the hangover before I have to get on the plane. (I hear shepherds have some wicked drinking games like 'Flipsheep' and 'cwrw-pong')]

@7:59am - Me:
It looks like somebody has hacked your account. It might be time to change your account password or email address altogether.

@8:42am - 'Bob':
Subj: My email was not hacked,
email was not hacked,l know this sounds weird and you wouldn't believe me,i'm really stuck out here in the UK and it's devastating at the moment.l wish l could call but l don't have access to phone at the moment ,I have nothing left on me and i'm grateful to God that i still have my life and my passport cos it would have been worst if they made away with mypassport.
I am full of panic now and the police only asked me to write a statement about the incident and directed me to the embassy,i have spoken to the Consulate here but they are not responding to the matter effectively,I really need your help to get myselfout of this place.
Robert Laymon
Lord of Lochaber

(In an attempt to expose Lord Rober of Lochaber, I asked him a question for which he should know the answer)
@8:52 - Me:
Where were you on Sunday?
(Correct response: In church, teaching a lesson)

@10:07 - Bob's response:
[His flight leaves in 3 hours. If that's the case, then Bob's already missed it. I don't know what he'll do now.]
Subj: My email was not hacked,
OMG....are you kidding me...i am mentally unbalance right now as i can't think straight...if i was not the one i won't have asked you to send the money to my name,as we both know i will need some kinda of identification at the bank or western union before cashing the this point i will want you to know that you are my only hope and i want you to put yourself in my shoes

@10:18 - Me:
OK, I accept that you're mentally unbalanced and can't remember where you were on Sunday. Since you apparently can remember my email address, can you at least tell me who you live with?

(Just for fun, I took a more conciliatory tone.)
@10:42 - Me:
Hey Bob, Sorry about that, I just called your house and since you weren't there, I called Larry to see if he knew where you were. He said that he was getting your mail since you were out of town on business. What do you need?
[Yeah, I know Larry the Cucumber (Vegitales) isn't the most compelling name, but it was the best I could come up with on short notice.]

@11:31 - 'Bob'
Glad you replied back to my email..I still have my life and passport cos it would have been worst if they made away with my passport. well all I need is just $1,850 and you can have it wired to me via Western Union. Here's my info below
Name:Robert Laymon
Location:8 Industrial Estate, Dry Drayton CB23 8AT, United Kingdom.
As soon as it is done, kindly get back to me with the confirmation number and let me know if you are heading to the WU outlet now?

@11:47 - Me:
The Western Union office is having some trouble. They say that the address you gave me is not in Wales. The only address they could find was near Cambridge. Can you verify that the address is right?

@3:49am - Bob:
am so sorry for that here is the western union details
Location:London United Kingdom.

@8:59 - Me
I'm glad to know you were able to get away from the hotel that was keeping you because you weren't able to settle the bill. I'm also glad to know that you were able to hitchhike from Wales to London because your money had been stolen. What do you need now? How much would an airplane ticket cost to get you home? Would it help if I just bought the ticket in your name?

@10:35 - Bob
Glad you replied back to my email..I still have my life and passport cos it would have been worst if they made away with my passport. well all I need is just $1,850 and you can have it wired to me via Western Union. Here's my info below

Receiver:Lord Robert
Address : 32 LONDON ROAD, Hertford, SG13 7LG
Country: United kingdom.

As soon as it is done, kindly get back to me with the confirmation
number and let me know if you are heading to the WU outlet now?

@11:25 – Me

OK, the confirmation number is: 1666001928

@11:56 - Bob
Just got back from western union and they said they have no record of the confirmation number you gave me please check and get back to me is the details 1666001928 hope to hear from you soon.

@12:37 - Bob
pls am still waiting for you to get back to me with the full senders name and the correct confirmation code
keep me posted with the western Union details

@12:51 – Me
Confirmation code: 1666001928
Senders name: J. Jacob Jingle Heimerschmitt.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Bravo Sierra Oscar Delta For Echo Yankee

Revenge, sweet revenge

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Can I say this sort of thing?

Camille and I are currently observing the same bedroom rules as the Flintstones, i.e. separate beds. This is because Camille can't sleep on a regular bed because her body won't allow it. She sleeps in an overstuffed recliner next to the bed.

This morning, before Jack woke up, we were shooting the breeze and she suggested that we snuggle because that's something we rarely get to do. The conversation went like this:

Camille: Hey, let's snuggle.
Carl: If you think I'm going to climb into that chair with you, you're sorely mistaken.
Camille: You big baby.
Carl: You're the one that's big with baby.

I don't often get to win in debates, but I won that round.

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Vegetarians say, "I don't eat anything with a face."

I have decided to say, "I won't eat anything with a face. Thank goodness that 16 oz. steak didn't have a face."

The Irish

This is not a racist post.

I saw a Guiness beer truck on the way to school. It advertised a light beer, a pale beer, and a dark beer. I can't tell the names of the beer because I have forgotten them. The important thing is that the blurb on the truck said, "Raise what they raise in Ireland, responsibly."

I thought, "What, leprechauns? Do we really have an problem with irresponsible leprechaun farmers?"

I then got to thinking what life on a leprechaun farm must be like. All I could think of was that you probably had to watch out for little pots of gold.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Boy Scouts v. ACLU

Boy Scout
On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country and to obey the Scout Law; to help other people at all times; to keep myself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight.

A Scout is:
and Reverent.

Be Prepared!

Do a good turn daily

If the ACLU is opposed to the Boy Scouts then it is opposed to its values. Therefore, the ACLU Oath, Law, Motto, and Slogan probably go something like this

I have no honor, but I will do my best to do my worst to God and my country and to ignore the Scout Law; to hose other people at all times; to keep myself physically weak, mentally asleep, and in a constant state of moral vertigo.

The ACLU is:
and Irreverent.

Be Unprepared!

Dig a pit for thy neighbor daily.

I guess it's easy to tell which organization should be kept around.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Train up a child...

There's not a lot to say about this video, but Camille and I think it's cute.

Friday, September 14, 2007

You know what's sexy?

I've been trying to figure out what it is about American muscle cars that I don't like. I mean, I love Euro muscle, but red, white, and blue muscle cars just don't do it for me.
I've finally come to conclusion, it's that the American cars are just too obvious.
Example, the Corvette. It just looks FASSSST!. It looks like it's doing 85 just sitting in the driveway. It bores me to tears.

I think it's comparable to women.

Some women are simply out there. They couldn't be more obvious if they wore something with "Take me I'm yours" printed on it.

Other women are attractive beyond reason because their clothes are long enough to cover the subject, and short enough to keep them interesting. The invitation is, "Why don't you come and see?"

That's how I feel about Euro cars. If asked the question, "Are you fast?", the American muscle car says, "Look at me, let me rev my engine, I'M FASSST!" Meh.
If you ask a Euro car, "Are you fast?", the Euro car says, "Why don't you get in and find out?"

Case in Point:
Corvette says:

"GET IN NOW!!!!!!!" It screams, "DRIVE ME UNTIL I EXPLODE!!!"

Maserati Gran Turismo says:

"You've got the keys, tell me what you think"